Why Listening Is One of the Most Powerful Evangelism Skills
The interviewing technique that changed how I have gospel conversations
Years ago, working as a probation officer, I learned an interviewing approach called motivational interviewing—a technique used to help people work through major life changes, the kind of high-stakes, resistant-to-change situations where lecturing someone about what they should do almost never works, like substance abuse or other criminogenic behaviors.
The core principle is simple: people are more persuaded by what they say themselves than by what you say to them.
I used it constantly on the job. I even tried it on my wife a few times, with—let’s say—limited success. What I didn’t expect was how directly it would translate into gospel conversations.
Most of us approach evangelism like a delivery problem—how do I get this truth from my head into theirs? But people don’t usually move toward something because they were told to. They move toward it because they were heard, and the conversation created space for them to discover it themselves.
“Listen to understand—not to reply.”
“So they sat down with him on the ground for seven days and seven nights. No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.”
— Job 2:13
The Biblical Perspective: Presence Before Persuasion
Job’s friends got the first part right. Seven days of silence, just sitting with him in his suffering, is a strange and countercultural picture of care compared to how quickly most of us reach for something to say.
Where they went wrong was afterward, when the sitting turned into speaking—and their speaking turned into answers Job never asked for, aimed at a version of his pain they never bothered to understand. Presence without listening curdled into advice without wisdom. Showing up isn’t the same as understanding.
This is where a simple, two-question approach from motivational interviewing does real work. Instead of explaining why God allows suffering the moment someone brings up their doubt, you ask:
- “What do you think about that?”
- “Why do you think that is?”
- “What makes you ask that?”
They sound too simple to matter—until you try them. They’re open-ended. They don’t suggest an answer; they invite one. And they communicate something a rehearsed response never can: that you’re actually interested in what this person thinks, not just waiting for your turn to talk.
Picture a coworker who mentions they don’t really believe in God anymore, not after everything that happened to their family last year. The instinct is to explain why God allows suffering. Instead, try: “What happened that made you feel that way? Do you feel like something changed for you, or was it always a struggle?”
Now you’re in a conversation instead of a presentation.
The Practical Application: Actually Listening to the Answer
Here’s the part most people skip—actually listening to the answer, not listening while mentally preparing your response.
What the person says next tells you more about where they are spiritually than any amount of preparation could—what they’re carrying, what they’ve tried, what they’ve lost, and what they’re still open to. Without that, you’re navigating blind.
When they respond, resist the instinct to immediately redirect. Follow them first. Restate what you heard before moving anywhere new:
“So it sounds like you’re feeling…”
“If I’m hearing you right, what you’re dealing with is…”
That kind of restatement does several things at once. It confirms you actually heard them. It gives them a chance to correct you if you got it wrong—which almost always moves the conversation deeper instead of shutting it down. And it lets the person hear their own thoughts from the outside, maybe for the first time.
That’s not a technique for winning an argument. It’s a way of loving someone well enough that the truth has room to land.
The most persuasive thing you can do in a gospel conversation often isn’t to speak. It’s to listen well enough that the other person hears their own heart out loud.
You don’t need the perfect response ready. You need to actually hear what’s being said—and let that shape where the conversation goes next.
What can we do?
- Keep two or three open-ended questions ready for your next real conversation, like "What do you think about that?"
- Practice restating what you hear before you respond, like "So it sounds like..."
- Notice how often you're listening to respond instead of listening to understand—just naming the habit is often enough to start changing it.
You don’t have to be the most articulate person in the room to have a meaningful gospel conversation. You have to be willing to actually hear the person in front of you—their fear, their doubt, their story—before you try to speak into it.
That’s not a lesser form of evangelism. It’s often the most powerful one available to you.
This pairs naturally with “Ask One Question Before You Give One Answer”—once you’ve made room to actually listen, asking the right question becomes the next natural step.
this completely hits home- Listening to HEAR and not to just answer.
Now, putting it in practice will be this month’s challenge